Why does Google call its public policy blog a Public Policy Blog? They need to stop this shameless charade and call it what it is: The Google Propaganda Assault. For, once again, Google is using this platform to attempt to clothe its greedy manipulations of our government in a garment of feigned true concern for the American people.
Spit.
You see, last week another Google spinbot wrote about how unfair the US Patent system is and how it is in desperate need of a reformation. Quite unsatisfied with how the patent system currently functions, the Google blog laments, "Unfortunately, the patent system has not kept pace with the changes in the innovation economy." And then it decries what a terrible position this has put Google in, "Google and other technology companies increasingly face mounting legal costs to defend against frivolous patent claims from parties gaming the system to forestall competition or reap windfall profits."
So because Google feels like others are 'gaming the system,' to 'forestall competition' or 'reap windfall profits,' Google is coming to the legislature to 'game the system,' to try to change things that benefit Google and, thus, 'forestall competition,' so that Google can be in a better position to 'reap windfall profits.' (Now would be a good time to re-evaluate once again WHY Google calls it a Public Policy Blog, as mentioned above...)
Spit.
But you see Google claims that there is 'evidence' of a "growing consensus that patent law needs to be rebalanced in order to protect patent owners while ensuring that patent rights are not abused." Yes, you see, this is a growing consensus. It's everywhere! Why, I found some growing in my yard this morning. (Nix that; further inspection revealed that my dog had just been out there.) Yes, this is not just Google's concern, Google is just another group of many, many concerned citizens who have come to this same conclusion that the patent process is outdated. It's a consensus, for heaven's sake! Yea, a growing consensus...it's a movement, it is! (Please refer to previous parenthetical insert to ascertain exactly what kind of movement this actually is.)
Hold nose. Spit.
And, that movement has has achieved a voice of unity, one single voice with one single message: "A growing chorus of business leaders and companies spanning the technology, financial services, and traditional manufacturing industries has joined with legal scholars, economists, consumer and public interest organizations, government institutions and major editorial boards in calling for patent reform." Yes, the chorus is deafening. It is all-inclusive. It reaches to every level of our society. And together, it is singing the song and just so happens to be the same message that Google is preaching. More than a movement, it's a wave.
Hold nose. Plug ears. Spit.
But Google is not just whistling Dixie, in fact it has already lobbied Congress in this area. It has found itself on the Coalition for Patent Fairness. Wow. Imagine that. You move out of your bedroom and mom carries your stuff right into into the Stanford dorm. (Of course, you didn't have to attend a common college, because you were an elite.) And then, you move from your Stanford dorm room directly into your cubicle at the 'Plex (also called Hogwarts). (Where you get everything you could ever need. Free food. Free cookies, just like mom's. Heck, you deserve it. You're an elite.) And then, it isn't long and you find yourself on the steps of the U. S. Capitol building in DC on this wonderful committee. (After all, things there aren't going your way and it just isn't fair and you are there to make change happen. I mean, why should your company have to spend so much time in court defending your own patents? Things must be changed so that you don't have to do that. Sure, Microsoft has to spend a lot of time in court, seems they have been in court for about 15 years, but none of them went to Stanford! They are just your average people, but you, you are GOOGLE! And there is no reason that you should have to slug through the legal system, just because everybody else in this nation does. For you are elite!)
Hold nose. Plug ears. Roll eyes. Spit.
Suffice it to say that Google's lobby points are childishly transparent:
1. Damages apportionment. Damages should be calculated based on the fair share of the patent’s contribution to the value of a product, and not on the value of a whole product that has many components. So for example, a windshield wiper found to an infringe a patent should not spur a damage award based on the value of the entire car. (KnightCrawler's Translation: limit what we, Google, have to pay others if we are caught.)
2. Restricting forum-shopping. Certain district courts have become notorious for rarely invalidating a patent, and have tilted the balance too often in favor of plaintiffs. We support judicial venue provisions to ensure that patent lawsuits are brought only in district courts with a reasonable connection to the case. (KnightCrawler's Translation: Let Google get home field advantage by getting all our cases forwarded to the 9th Circus Court in San Francisco.) (Where there is a good likelihood that a judge's kid went to Stanford, and sees the rightness of our cause.)
3. Post-grant review. The patent system should include a meaningful second chance for the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office to review potentially problematic patents in a timely way, thereby promoting high-quality patents. (KnighrCrawler's Translation: Waaah. We want our way. And when we don't get it, we want YOU to reevaluate your decision about our way and we want you to do it now.)
4. Willfullness. Patent infringes can be forced to pay triple the damages in cases where they are found to have "willfully" infringed a patent, but that standard has been devalued. Punitive triple damages should be reserved for cases of truly egregious conduct. (KnightCrawler's Translation: We want the hammer for our competition's infractions, yet velvet gloves for our own.)
But more than just a movement, a chorus or a wave, Google describes its efforts as downright, genUine American, "Low-quality patents and escalating legal costs are currently hurting the ability of U.S. companies to compete globally, and that in turn hurts U.S. workers and consumers." That's right, Google's got nothing but the national interest of Joe U.S. Citizen in mind and at heart with every step of its lobbying activities. It's all about what's best for the "U.S. workers and consumers, " don't ya know... can't ya see... wouldn't you believe! No selfishness at all; empirically motivated to benefit the American. Yes, and in their other hand, there is a fresh jar of newly-squeezed snake oil that will heal practically any ailment you might be suffering from.
Hold nose. Plug ears. Roll eyes. Wipe snake-oil from clothes. Spit.
The main point here is that Google is ONCE AGAIN lobbying YOUR Senators and YOUR Representatives so that Google can get what Google wants. They are seeking to change OUR laws so that the situation suits GOOGLE better, not necessarily you and me. They want the way cleared for them to have an advantage, to make more profit, to build an irrevocable empire, and to spend less to defend it. And they are cloaking it all in language that attempts for you to think that they are on your side, looking out for our best interests. If this were the DMV, they would be crying for the laws to be changed so that they wouldn't have to wait in line like everybody else. Elites, you see, don't wait in line. Lines are for all the rest; who eat cake.
Hold nose. Plug ears. Roll eyes. Wipe snake-oil from clothes. Spit. Send a cake to the Google kids.
